Marta Jolanta Wesolowska finished her rehabilitation in Ljósið at the end of last October. She came to Ljósið shortly after she was diagnosed in 2023 and has used the time well, not only finding herself again but in a way reinventing herself. She was told about Ljósið when she was diagnosed but waited almost two months before stepping inside. We met Marta a few days after she graduated and asked about her time in Ljósið.
"I parked outside twice, sat in the car but didn't come in. I wasn't ready to admit that I was sick but the third time I came I had realized I needed help and that I wouldn't be able to go through this alone. It was difficult to come the first time and that is why I am doing this interview. I don't really want to tell my story and let everyone see this side of me but Ljósið helped me. I want everyone to know that Ljósið is a safe place. The people that come here are young and old, speak Icelandic and all other languages. No matter what language you speak there is always someone that understands you in Ljósið".
Marta says that she was told about Ljósið and the English Speaking Peer Group when she was diagnosed but it felt too difficult. When she went to the hospital she always had an interpreter with her to get all the information but there was just so much going on. Coming to Ljósið to interact with strangers in English felt exhausting.
"I didn't have the energy to think about everything in a language that wasn't mine but I told myself the storm was coming and I would have to deal with it. The first time I came I felt I had come too early because everyone else had already started treatment and I was still waiting for surgery. Now I know how much that mattered and I would tell everyone to come running to Ljósið as soon as they can. The people you meet in Ljósið know more about what is happening than even the doctors because they have felt the treatment on their own skin. Nobody asks you how you are feeling in the same way as those that have not gone through chemo. You don't have to explain everything and sometimes it is enough to say only one word. In Ljósið you will meet people that will help you get through it. They will tell you they are with you, help you through the tough times and you will help them back."
Marta found support and rehabilitation in Ljósið
Life before Ljósið
Marta moved to Iceland from Poland when she was twenty-one. "I had to change my life and my father who had moved here two years before said I could come. I was very young and I thought I would try. Looking back it was one of the best decisions I have made in my life. I am glad that I am here and if someone asked if I‘d to leave I‘d say no. Maybe when I am old, when I have grandchildren but I've been here almost 18 years. My children are here. My life is here. This is my home, my second home, Ljósið has also felt like a home. My family is also growing. I have my children, my parents, sister and brothers. I have a family at work and the family I met in Ljósið."
Marta says that she got a lot of support from the company she worked for, the owners and staff have been there for her every step of the way.
I parked outside twice, sat in the car but didn't come in
"I used to manage the laundry department in Nostra ræstingar and my boss Stefán and coworkers have been amazing. When I told him about my diagnosis and that I would have to have surgery in January I assured him I would be back in the summer. He said don't rush, this is your time so use it, you have to take care of yourself now. When you come back the company will still be here for you. And they have always been there for me. When I can't drive they take me to the hospital, they have cleaned my house and rearranged things to be there for me." When Marta speaks about her colleagues it is with genuine affection. "They are still here for me and it feels wonderful to have them around me. Especially because they made things easy, they just came and did things and I didn't have to ask."
Marta admits that asking for help is difficult: "I am a single mother and being independent and strong is very important to me. I have been learning to ask for help if I can't do it,“ and smiling she adds, "but if I can do it later I wait until I feel stronger. My body is not like it used to be and I have to think about my children. If I am not healthy they will not have a mother so sometimes I will have to ask for help."
Marta did not only find support at Ljósið but also friendship
My work was my hobby
"I knew there was something wrong in December but I was formally diagnosed in January and I just kept working. Work was my safe place and I was in control, I was a workaholic and I didn't want to accept there was anything wrong. I saw the images at the hospital, I could feel the cancer and I knew it was there but I didn‘t want to believe it. There were only a few in my company that didn‘t get covid and I was one of them. I was like a machine. Now something was stopping me. The universe was telling me to slow down."
She says there were a lot of things that happened in her life that were telling her to slow down but "cancer was like a handbrake, it was too much, too fast. There were things that were not heading in a good direction but I always went to work and hid all the problems. Being at work and doing my job made me feel secure and sheltered, I was in control and if I admitted I was sick I would lose all that."
A beautiful letter written by Marta to the staff at Ljósið
Being diagnosed with cancer changes everything about daily life and when Marta had her surgery in January 2023 she had already started talking to others from the English Speaking Peer Group. She felt she could talk to them properly and adds, "when the doctors at the hospital asked me how I was I only told them a little even if I had an interpreter with me and I could express myself. I never thought that what I was feeling was important because it was so often not exactly related to cancer. Coming to Ljósið however made all the difference. With the people in the Peer Group I could talk about everything and although I have a lot of support from my family and my coworkers everything that was happening was new to me. I was learning everything and it was difficult to talk about so the support from Ljósið was different. The people I met were also figuring everything out at the same time as me and we could laugh together and cry and cry from laughing and we don‘t talk about the illness, we talk about travelling and life and everything else. We got to really know one another and at the same time we could share information about treatments and things you don‘t normally have to know about, for example about finances. I feel I learnt more from my friends in Ljósið than in the hospital."
Marta speaks Polish, English, Russian and Icelandic and tried joining the Icelandic groups but she felt she didn‘t speak enough Icelandic. She says her English speaking group in Ljósið did everything together: "Everything was easier with the group. When you wake up in the morning and you feel stiff and know you have to go to the gym it can be so difficult to get motivated but you know there is someone waiting for you in Ljósið with a coffee. That makes you get up and out. You are going for yourself but the people around you are helping you and helping themselves. We all speak different languages but we could communicate and everything was more fun. Making cups and bowls in pottery was the best. I know everyone says pottery is the best class but it was even better with my friends. I did all kinds of crafts and I remembered that a long time ago I used to like that but I had forgotten. I had stopped giving myself time for the things I enjoyed because my work had become my hobby."
Cancer was like a handbrake
Thinking back to when she was diagnosed Marta says: "I was in work mode for so long that when I finished chemo and couldn't do what I was used to I had lost who I was. I went to coaching sessions with Ingibjörg and those really helped me figure out what I wanted. I have to work at it but I am proud of my progress. It was also surprising but in her sessions I also practiced Icelandic like I have never done before. We would always start speaking Icelandic and then switch to English when we started talking about things. It also helped me to go to Kolbrún Lís for edema therapy and to Dominika for massages. And I have never in my life eaten so healthy. When I was with the girls and they said let‘s go and get some salad I wasn‘t sure, was there really no meat? But I have had the opportunity to try all kinds of new things and new tastes I would never have tasted at home."
Asked what she will do now that she has graduated from Ljósið Marta says, "I will continue my rehabilitation and give myself time after my last surgery. My workplace has moved but I can go back there, to my safe place and with the people I know, when I am ready. I will go to Hreyfing with the plan I got from the gym in Ljósið and I will start some hobby instead of making work my hobby again. My body is different and I can‘t do everything I used to do but I am getting better because of all the training, stretching and physiotherapy in Ljósið. I always felt better going to the gym because when my strength started coming back and I felt physically stronger, I also felt mentally better. That is also what I have learnt from coming to Ljósið and meeting all the people there. It is important to find your group. Not everyone has family and friends and although I can‘t answer for everyone in my opinion you need someone to talk to about what is going on. You can seem alright physically, your hair is back and you are working but mentally you are not ok, you are still in the cancer treatment. I know I will keep seeing my family from Ljósið because they have changed my life and I care about them."
